Time Management

Well, a lot of things have been going on. First, to address Taylor and mines fight... its definitely over and has been for a while. Thank God. But there are things we can both work on. Like any relationship, there are ups and downs, misunderstandings, and the business of life seems to take over. This is very true of me. Business of life takes over and I have meltdowns. Thankfully, we dont fight a lot and have a really good relationship... but there are still lots we can work on. My meltdowns, for example. I like to do a lot of self reflecting. Things I realize I am doing wrong and things that my loved ones point out to me, all are subject for hard core self reflection. A problem I have is getting really overwhelmed. This causes me to lash out and become a psycho perfectionist. I end up hurting people around me, which is mainly Taylor. Poor guy. Thankfully, hes really understanding and brings me to grip with reality, only after I defend my position of coarse. I know there are things I can work on. I am not perfect. But with my personality, its extremely difficult to let things be the way I wouldnt do them. This, in turn, causes a lot of stress. Stress to get things done on time and in the right way. One of my best friends pointed out how stressed out I was and she lives 4 hours away and I am lucky to see her once a month. Taylor has also pointed out how stressed I am. But I dont know another way to be. Things really have to get done! And I have so many priorities, they are all fighting for the same number one spot! Actually number 2, because God will always be my number 1... even if I dont always treat him that way.

One thing I am trying to get better at is asking for help when I need it. I feel like I am a pretty open and honest person, (hence, this blog!) but theres always a part of me that feels like a failure if I cant do it all, or if I dont want to do it all. My mother in law, bless her beautiful heart, has been incredible with helping. Not only being there physically, but through emotional times too. She is going to take Landon for a week so I can work on homework, projects, and just have time to myself. Talking to her about it today, I actually got really excited! Time for myself. To do what I want when I want. On MY schedule.. Not anyone elses! WOW... precious time. Although I am very sad to ever leave my son, I think this will be good for me. There are so many things I want to do. Of coarse, my focus will be on school... but once I am done with that I can clean the whole house, go get a massage, watch a movie, sleep in, spend a day at the mall, organize my closet, donate old clothes, read for fun, paint my nails, take a long bath, do something crafty... oh, the possibilities are endless! A whole week all to myself!

One of my friends recently gave me quite the compliment. We went out and she was trying to get me drink more and dance more. When I didnt abide by her definition of having fun and going out she yelled at me with frustration, "Who ARE you?!?!" I take this as a compliment. I am SO thankful to not be the same person anymore. I feel an internal change, like people wouldnt really notice that I was much different. I still enjoy some of the same things, have the same hobbies and interests. I feel like there are things that I have changed that only I would notice. For example, I mainly listen to Christian music, I am more aware of how I dress, I try to not watch certain shows... Just small things like that. But for one of my best friends to see me in a different light was really intense, and definitely a good thing. Not that I am doing these things for attention, but it just shows that I have really begun a new life.

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17

I am happy with the person that I have become. I have lots to work on, but I am finally free from my past and my hurts. This verse is perfect for where God has put me the past few years. I feel confident in my faith, and for the first time, I feel like I am doing what is right in the eyes of God. Its such an amazing feeling. I feel like my faith cannot be shaken. (Thats not a challenge, God!) Anyway, I guess I am just really grateful. There is a lot on my plate, and I do get overwhelmed very easily. But God has brought me this far... I am doing the best I can. I know my hard work is paying off. I have a happy baby, a happy husband, a 4.0 GPA, great friends and family, and such wonderful sisters in Christ I can turn to!!! What more could a girl want? Ok, I want a dog! HAHA.... but seriously, I have everything I need and so much more. I am so blessed. And God deserves all of the glory!!